Poetry Month 2012: Rafael F. I. Alvarado - Faith Needs A Better Salesman

Rafael F.I. Alvarado was born in Hollywood in 1965, and has been writing poetry since he was ten. His granduncle Luis Cardoza Y Aragon was a famous Guatemalan poet who knew people like Pablo Neruda and called them ‘friend.’ Rafael wishes every day to write as well as his granduncle. His grandmother Laura Cardoza Muller was also a published poet, and a big influence in his writing. He is the cofounder of The World Wide Radio Network where he hosts The Moe Green Discussion. He has interviewed numerous poets such as Robert Pinsky, Andre Dubus III, and Sonia Sanchez. He is also the cofounder of The Hollywood Institute of Poetics with SA Griffin, and promotes and hosts many readings in Los Angeles. Many of Rafeal’s poetry influences, such as Nikki Giovanni, have performed at Beyond Baroque when he has asked them to perform their work. He works as a publicist and promoter of all things poetry.


Faith Needs A Better Salesman 


the first time
I heard bout death
was when Father Kelly died
I think I was in 3rd grade
not sure
when I was young
the sister nuns
told me God
took care
of the ones that love him

when Father Kelly died
no one told me how
I thought in my head
he must have pissed God off

years of nuns
telling me
that good things
come to those who pray

my Granduncle Rafa
is the only holy man I believe in
I was named after him
it saddens me where I have taken his name

I met him when I was 4
again when I was 11
in Guatemala
he loved the church
& God, he believed
faith
is a hard thing to hold
it is easily lost

I lost mine
every time I took a punch
every time
I knelt before God
and prayed
made me think
maybe
I'm not a good person
or I don’t love God enough
because Johnny Walker Black & Red
were what lessened the beatings
not God

I use to love the bible
but Catholic school beat God out of me

one of my exes was raped by a priest
when I met her she was still broken
yet still she loved God

another ex raped and beaten

my ex was gentle
was kind
and it pisses me off
that good people get hurt

I blame God

sometimes when faith creeps in
I ask God not to forgive me
because I don’t want it

I need to forgive me
I need to let go
of every punch
every broken girl I couldn’t save

it’s funny being angry
at something you really don’t believe in